In Greenwich Park where it’s stark, in the middle of the night, deserted and dark. The gates are locked, the boundary is sound, not one visitor is there to be found. The keeper keiron works a night shift, he is usually fast asleep, it’s easy with a kebab, a small tipple to the lip, sometimes its a pizza or a curry from the delli, followed by a sound of rupterous snoring, with an over filled belly.
There is one fella, I haven’t yet said, his name is klixd but calls himself Fred, he is eighteen inches tall. Translucent blue eyes and curly wurly hair, matches his crimson red, shoes made from glittered leather wool, he has a small round bed and a small round stool, lives within a tree, five feet beneath the roots, on this hundred year old oak almost thirty foot tall.
Alongside the gravel path, with his magic stick of Oak the little man Fred began to choke while swallowing an Acorn, he waved his stick at his tightened throat, he opened his mouth, making the sound of a goat, the Acorn flew across the beautiful lush green lawn, it hit a deer, a forlornly fawn, straight in the head, knocking it out, there it lay sleeping quietly until dawn.
The little man ‘Klixd’ had crashed landed hard, while he was sleeping in his little alien craft, he found himself happy not to be dead, instead he was embarrassed to find he’d wet the bed, he immediately chose the most important action ever, washed his pants in our dreadful rainy weather, then switched on the radio to contact ‘Glixcy’ his nine inch friend as small as a pixy.
Fred gave up as the radio sparked an arc, he decided despondently to blow up his little craft, he ate an acorn on the ground of an oak to prepare a magic stick as he’d lost his magic cloak, he broke off a twig from the nearby tree then thought ‘I’ll blow the breath of fruit inside of me’, knowing that would help to be able to survive, some would say a little contrived but it was so good that he was still alive.
The very next adventure that he set himself on, was to find a place that he could call home, he looked at the Oak, so old and so tall, then crafted a door for people who are small, invisible to the eye, so others may not find, a man asleep in his pyjama hide, fred made a hollow within the tree, then spun around to chisel it deep, feeling so tired he needed a good sleep.
A bed and a stool was to come next, he shook the stick in a rounded flex, poppety pop like a banger race, they crashed from above and fell into place. A bed and a stool created in Oak, a perfect little gift for this talented little bloke, exhausted all over from the crash and the fight, fred had, had enough of this dreadful night, so he took himself to bed and set down his stick as a little hazy, homely glowing light with a flicker slick, flick.
Fred stayed a while, some would call it years, to him it was just a glacxy of a Glarkxen. (Meaning only one year), it was more time than planned, he grew a long beard, it changed colour when he cheered, another colour when sad, all colours of the rainbow, but red when he was mad, he never stopped looking for a way to go home even after all the fun of playing in the snow.
Walking to the river to wash his stick, he observed a magazine that was rather thick, on the front page, some interesting news about ‘Greenwich Observatory’ with its telescope and fantastic Views, Fred became light headed to find it was so near, he quickly waved his stick with excitement and fear to grab a lift from the same earlier Deer that felt compelled to at once assist, without any doubt and close to a tear Fred charged forward with the bewildered deer, in his voice, excitement and cheer.
It felt overwhelming to see his home planet again, 3rd planet on the right of Jupiter, yet further back by two and a half million light year’s, poor old Fred, he could not hold back the tears, overcome by the thought of his little boy all alone in the pit of cheeslegrime, Fred was heartfelt proud, he thought ‘I just want to go home to be with that glooxcy son of mine’, his mother giver died some deckens of time ago in the grizzlegum wars meaning (war of women), I ask you, who would have a war about slimming ? , only glarkxen women.
I should lock up before I’m found, leaving the building, not making a sound, Fred noticed there was a light on in a shed next door, he quietly peeked through the window, there was a large man, head on the table having a snore, what a dreadful noise, exhaled from his hooter, the only noise that Fred heard like that, was his old mother giver’s looter, (a looter being a slugger that ironed out her figure).
There no was some food on the table laying around, it looked better than what he’d been eating, food he’d found on the ground’ he sneaked inside, using his magic stick for a key, first he stooped in to the corner for a little green wee, then quietly climbed onto the table, he put the food in his bag, he found more in a cold box he’d opened the word ‘fridge’ in chrome on the front, some odd things he had found, something called M-ilk, something called Pie, something called yoghurt that splashed in his eye. Fred put all things in his bag, then left the shed without saying goodbye.
As soon as he arrived home, Fred took some of the human food, Pork Pie that he ate caused him to break out in an almighty sweat, he had some cheese that tasted similar to a food back on his planet called skeexse, then he drank a glass of a strange white liquid called M-ilk, it caused him to be rather scxilt which as you can guess, meaning rather tipsy to the hilt, straight into bed dizzy in his head, Fred slept for a few days, waking on Wednesday in some kind of a haze, his eyes a glaze, on this fine summer day he decided to have a lay-in until Thursday.
Week on week Fred often visited quiet and meek, to the Observatory and shed, then going late to bed, usually tipsy as the other week, drinking his M-ilk and eating his pie, munching some spaghetti, yoghurt in the eye, Kieron had noticed so much food disappearing, he thought to himself, ‘if only I had better hearing, He changing the battery on his defunct aid, then set out a plan well laid.
While pretending to sleep, head on the table, Food everywhere, Ham, cheese, Pizza galore, Kieron heard a noise shuffling through the door, it was a little man singing to himself a little dainty, words he did not understand - ‘Nixt waxys grux ext’, ‘Soxtys groixcd baxt neext’ meaning -#now what’s there to grab to eat, something sweet would be so neat#, as Fred stepped up to grab a piece of pizza, keiron lifted his head and with shock grabbed Fred, “it’s so nice to meet ya”.
Fred went berserk, dropping his magic stick he gave Keiron such a thumping kick, alas it was without Joy as Keiron believed he had grabbed a little boy and not a small alien man as tight as he can, he held Fred steadfast, Fred’s strength could not outlast the mighty muscle of ‘Keiron O’Shay’, Keiron waited for him to calm down so he could have his say but Fred was sunken in dismay, it would take a while until Keiron would say, “calm down or it will be a delay that will keep you here until day”, Fred responded with a cry that sounded like “oooxayay”.
Eventually Keiron allowed Fred to have his magic stick after whining ixciii, ixciii, pointing at its way, causing it to flip, he put it to his ears, saying “ixciii oox” on each ear, then Fred cried reduced to tears, he sucked the end of the stick next, he became angry and vexed, out burst forth from his mouth, “let me go home, you ugly whoman, spixiii spix”, keiron replied “now that’s where we are in a fix”, “tell me who you are and we will go far”.
Fred informed Keiron “my name is Klixd, I see a whoman mother giver, walking a big furry shixp Daxs on a lead thingy”, she called ‘Fred’, I liked it, so I am Fred” He explained everything about himself then cautiously asked “pleased your sir,do not make me dead”, Keiron replied, “I will not kill you, have some faith in me and you will see, a better place to pee”.
Fred explained about his craft, his feeling of being daft, his antics with the deer and the tree, he himself who pee’d, his son who is alone and having no fun and also asked Keiron if he could have another Hot Cross bun, he spoke of how he’ll never get home to the planet third from Jupiter, the radio on his craft that arced exir xir, had died, Keiron a Citizen band radio fan, told Fred he had another plan.
Keiron met Fred the very next night, in his shed he turned on the light, on the table was a Kebab, some wires, some bulbs, some things that were fab, in the middle a radio thingy, it had squelch, a light, a thing called a Mike, Citizen Band was Keirons hobby, he looked at Fred with a promising smile, “will this help or will it only reach a mile?. Fred waved his magic little stick and once more it seemed to do the trick, a squixy fixy thing occurred, when strange things on the radio, could be heard.
Fred listened intently to CB Radio noise, he could here Glarksen voices saying the military is waiting poised, to attack the planet Earth without a delay, for capturing their brave friend ‘Klixd’ and keeping him away, Fred replied bravely, squeezing hard on the key, “hmm’ interestingly, when will that be?”, the voice came back, speaking Glarkxen glooxy Tongue, “nine O’clock tonight we’ll be taking a run.
Fred relayed the troublesome news to keiron standing near, “never mind that” he replied “let’s have the Kebab and a beer”, they settled down to eat but Fred was in a dread, he knew he was in some trouble when choking on his bread, he jumped up immediately and keyed the CB hard, he spoke in Glarkxen language, “iox grooux ti krouxx gri card” and “ix grox ti Klixd, Eex ti roxe xowe”. Which in a roundabout way said he’s free to go home now.
The radio replied “soox soo Di minxsissos”, wait ten minutes you do not have a choice!. Fred waited patiently for a slow but quick reply then on the radio came a gooxi grammar, “see you at Big Ben Clock at three O’clock, goodbye”.
Keiron had a rusty car that sped along the embankment while waiting for the lights to change Fred looked on in amazement, a big clock shown the time high in the sky, Keiron knew it was a time on which they could rely, ten to three Big Ben displayed when the car abruptly halted, running to Parliament square, leaving Fred and Keiron exhorted.
Three O’clock came and no sign of any craft but all of a sudden at ten past three, Fred began to laugh, some lights grew large above Big Ben, growing closer by the minute, whizzy Fizzy Glarkxen lights with Glarkxen people in it, the ship was extremely large it filled up Parliament Square, crushing a few bigger trees it was a cheek to dare, lots of Londoners looking on could do no more than stare.
The great door slid open from the crazy lighted and round ship, the leader speaking through a speaker saying “hello Earthlings”, “toodlepip”. lots of Glarkxian people came walking down the slope, Fred was sobbing loudly with happy, expectant hope, then stepping through the crowd a familiar sight indeed, his son ‘fluxi wix” was plainly there to see, running up and in the arms of his little bouyant lad, sobbing even loudly now as if he was real sad.
finally the time came to forever say goodbye, keiron was invited to ride to Glarkxen with Fred, way up high, Keiron declined but said to Fred “please, always stay in touch” I have grown fond of you and like you very much. Soon the Glarkxens all stepped back into their craft, Fred was pleased that he was going home to be in his pod at last, “goodbye keiron my friend” I promise to keep in touch, I have enjoyed your friendship and food very, very much.
The door soon closed tightly, on the fuzzy lighted ship, then slowly lifted off the ground to sounds of ‘oopsxy gsssh’ , away the ship passed, too soon, out of the Earths atmosphere, all that could be heard behind was the sound of the Londoners cheer.
