Unanswered Questions

I wonder will this sickness ever stop, will I ever have enough money to shop?, will my heart hurt forever?

will It destroy the good there is around or n…..

I, hoping we could cure this together

a mystery berates a person with lowered esteem

a confounding act of poor management it seems,

Why a destructive force within exists 

I have found very little joy that lasts or gives

I pray there is something warm to inspire better 

love forever in you, not weakening or shattered 

yet I am asking far too much to hold you again

for like a delicate flower, petals would fall

as rain, followed by my tears 

strength is a thing that I once knew well enough

now I am clothed in weakness and destitution 

I fear my heart and soul, will never know a resolution 

I could end it now without shame, stop confusion

my god why not allow such a hurtful act of self?

I ask without any meritorious objection 

then again I wait and on reflection……. 

hope to see the clouds dissipate for sun. 

Teddy bear

 A window of light in a long dark tunnel  You were born a miracle boy, a spectacular joy

 a child is always a beautiful thing 

You were no exception, my heart in song did sing

proudness overspilled, but I miss you too much

now I have slipped, and once again am falling down 

The slippery slope with a cloud and a frown

I outwardly show that everything is alright

yet I’m dead inside and have no more fight

I ask ‘will this be my final intervention?’

to disappear without a mention

It’s wrong to be self absorbed 

I wish I could stop it yet I cannot of course.

Just Forget

Forget the pictures, the times in life

forget the moments, forget your wife 

forget the turmoil , disasters hand

forget your childhood in another land

forget your talent that made you great

forget your children, forget your mates

a tortured future is what you will find

The joy has gone, love is unkind

Forget the photographs, forget those times

there is no future for a damaged mind.

Choices to make

In a postcode war, integration of vile 

if only the choice would be, to wait a while

imagine a moment to stop and think

drop the knife, drugs and drink

save the future lives of at least two young men

drug fiends going nowhere, then again! 

Symphony

I feel the music, it’s in my soul 

filling a gaping hole

prancing and dancing as if by magic

the story is a sound that moves me far away

then melancholy it stirs my emotions to sway

I weep as it captures my all, in tender heart

joy is at an end before again it starts

The sky fell

Temperate disease, iradical power

Alters delightfull to bitter and sour

the question on humanity’s lips

‘where were you, when it fell’ 

A moment of peace or peaceful desire

Left in a quandary, impeccable choir

The sky so vivid with burning colour

momentarily blind, an explosion of fire

Crows lay around with a deathly hope

remaining carcass, immovable scrub soap

all is well, yet there’s darkness inside

contradicting action, posthumously hide

The largest flower most beautiful bloom

brings the finality far too soon

crest of dust, mighty throne

peaceful surge, though not for long

Ineluctable darkness in the glorious sun

shrouded in a cloak of what’s to come

some will simply wonder why

was it a message from heaven or hell? 

others will never forget when the sky fell.

If I were King

Talk the talk 

Fight the fight

If I were king

I bloody well might

Silent reminder

a long queue of traffic at temporary lights 

rain briskly falling on the windscreen 

swish a swish the wipers sweep

drowning out the buzz I keep

clattering a pitter patter

screeching rubber thudding stop

hoot from the car behind 

waking from the trance, I hop

noise returning, no escape

the sound at night, a wee awake

deep loss of joy is my pay and stake

Spring awake

Enlightenment of spring, 

burst into early existence reaching for a peek at the sky 

fragility of a slim stalk begging why?

a beautiful hue of yellow trumpeted fragility 

singularly is sparsely weak

in mass a chorus doth speak

Fitting in

If I have to be a conformist it’s with a rebellious ache

fitting in, within the line, 

I feel an eruption and a quake

denying freedom beguiles in me, 

a catastrophic shake

nightmares are so frightening 

yet even worse, while I am awake

Red Rose

I begged for a rose with scent so sweet

Planting it young beneath my feet

then watched it grow the flower red

It was joined by its sister in the small rose bed

on and on the bed grew fast 

with many colours that were set to last

but you see the crash then petrol burn

upon my field of roses grown

I pulled you from the burning wreck 

then cursed the lord 

you had broke your neck

Our true love just could not last

One red rose left, I placed in a vase

On your coffin lid made from glass.

Starry night

A starry night, a wonder in sight

not to be seen clearly in the city 

it bleaches out the wonder that is space 

Without a thought we leave our trace

It is such a damn pity, selfish and gritty 

Walking the streets within my town

I look around mainly looking down

whitish spots across the pavements 

Mr Blobby’s raining gravements 

hard stick gum, lazy ravers

When we’re visited by an alien race 

will we see the laughs upon their face

then leave earth quickly, as fast as they came

go back home to never return again

disgusted sick,  for what they see

Leaving a review of a backward creed

Burying litter for the future

poisonous mass from an open suture

toxic fumes, a disgraceful mess

In a thousand years, we will be gone

leave them a present, help them digress

A starry eve what a place to be

on a clear night, look up and see

A twinkle of diamonds feeling free,

where would you go hypothetically ? 

Depression

It becomes dark once more

closing in; to a place I’ve known before

where I build is torn down; elusive

I cannot get close to them anymore

legacy is a state of mind, untrue and unkind

stepping deeper into despair, I am blind

disliked for my phoney, the truth to bare;

Is a place that I am; yet do not dare

perpendicular through a looking glass

In this world I know, there is no care

I trust no one; then no one dare

taunted by loneliness, in this place of here and now

nothing but the fear; running off my brow

Tough it

Accept no more the dourness of a hard stance

a prance, choosing in thy stead to dance

will thy hand wither to grasp a soft touch

some love unreserved at a gentle glance

Pretentiousness storytelling a sly foe

be in doubt of her ways and where she goes

relent; she will not, smiling with her final kill

blood smeared talons rip out  your heart with ill 

forcibly driven inside by hurt, the dirt 

unable to cleanse away thy pain

beneath a shower without gain

a place to return to again and again

Thus to end it now; a subtle memory of shame.

Genealogical Emptiness

I tasted your bone devouring loss once more

 holding you close within my heart

the gravelly taste of dust and stone 

has proven you are gone 

 slamming shut life, the last door 

A  heart thumping realisation, 

I am more alone now; than I will ever be

torture of a heartbreak that can never be free

hope to close my eyes then never again to see

desire as belonging, born before time,

understanding little, infusing rhyme, 

gentle, kindly, loving soul; somehow a crime

to be alternatively meek, others see weak

 rivers are from mountains, paradise we seek

Forests of Doom

A muster of trees,  strong in their talk

they hug one another closely 

Holding fast at the stalk

growing tall,  leaning back, outward and keen

an argument, they have thwart, or so it would seem

Clearing leaves in the winter 

the wind it doth’ blow 

a little woodpecker is making her hole 

a large Douglas fir, keeping distantly lone

he steadies his feet with nuts on a cone

Wild winter passes, the kings bows are strong

everything is fine until them people come along

Hacking down forests, killing the young

making a clearing the grumble has gone

trees stop talking, sadness has come

For everyone knows, there’s no strength; in one

the future looks bleak, man does not learn

kill all the forests with peril they’ll learn

a breath of the cold in the darkness of night

the only air left, if not willing to fight

city’s of finance, toxicity in its girth 

no trees to fell, no life left on earth.

Under a cloud

I prayed this morning “dear lord I’ve had enough”

with all this bad weather clouds of grey cloth

I am not sure he can hear me in heaven above,

emotions so waywardly lost in dissatisfaction 

if only life could for once move in my direction

I would shout out loud in declaration 

I must be grateful really

eating sausage, eggs and bacon 

lasagna with a few Lardons 

may they be enough to beg my pardons

Michael Marland, Woodberry down

Head Teacher - Woodberry Down 

Michael Marland was a force in education with many ideas that led forward a revolution in social teaching, a great man with a peculiar look, my head teacher. for those who met him. This story in the independent helps him live on 

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/obituaries/michael-marland-headteacher-and-educationalist-861291.html

This world

In this world an alien lives, 

he moves around upsetting the balance

struggling to level out, never can advance

What is it all about ?

If the world stops revolving 

could we fall into demise ?

collapse into darkness with no ability to rise

An alien lives in this world

affecting our decisions causing divisions

ugliness in nature, minor things become major

have you thought; we could look in the mirror

stare hard only to find the alien that we see

the person we are looking at is;

either you or maybe me. 

Old Heart

Life goes quick and I find myself at sixty

It can be hard and it can be tricky

I’ve never knowingly; known the way

I’ve never ever knew; just what to say

I have good days; on odd occasion 

Mostly I cannot work out the equation 

I think I’d try hard and be promoted

for some reason not known, I end up demoted

hurting with self absorption, stupid though I’m not

cleverly disguised discussion; I haven’t got

remembering a friend yesterday; his past

mourning his existence, will forever last

too many shattering thuds, leave a heart of glass

too many failures for hardened graft

read no more, I can hear you laugh